Maybe I was bitten by a radioactive trivet.

Nov 15

As some of y’all are aware, I have an unusually high resistance to heat. I enjoy 100 degree weather. I never notice getting sunburned until I’m in lobster territory. Touching hot things only rarely leaves a mark.

I call it a superpower for a reason.

You may scoff at my hyperbole, so let me tell you a little story that happened to me today: I was making chicken for lunch. Used a potholder to take a pan out of a 400 degree oven. Upon inspection, it was clear the chicken wasn’t done so I’d need to move the pan out of the way and finish it in a skillet.

I actively thought to myself, That pan is still hot from the oven. I need a potholder.” And lo, I put a potholder on my hand and moved the pan safely like a motherfucking adult.

Not five goddamn seconds later I thought “I’d better move it over a little more” and sure enough, I grabbed the pan with my bare hand — potholder still on my other hand! — and moved it.

End result of grabbing a 400 degree pan? A brief pain and not a single mark on my hand.

Doesn’t sound like a superpower? Consider the fact that I do stupidass things like that all the time, and I still have full mobility of all ten fingers. I’ve grabbed a hot pan hard enough to hear my skin actually sizzle — didn’t even have a mark to show for it afterward. That ain’t normal, man.

My mother thinks it’s because I was born (as she loves to recount over and over) right before a historic heat wave. I’m not discounting gamma rays or ancient curses, though. Maybe an alternate universe is involved?